Sunday, January 31, 2010

Losing a Son

There is a saying that goes something like this. "A son is a son till he takes a wife." "A daughter is a daughter for all of her life." I suppose there is some truth to this. It seems to me that the wife sets the tone in the home and the home tends to be more like the one she grew up in and therefore the sons home will be less like mine than a daughter's would. Make sense? Anyway, Mommy2 and I are rapidly approaching a wedding. In September 2010 Lost In Space and Lost In A Dream will become Mr. and Mrs. They are courting, instead of dating. They want their first kiss to be at the wedding altar. They have big dreams and they are working hard to make them become reality. I am very proud of both of them. I am excited about gaining L.I.A.D. as another daughter and look forward to watching them carve out a life for themselves.

But what about this losing a SON business! Actually, that is one of the things I look forward to also. Time to get those big old size 12 boots out from underfoot and lower the food bill! Not really, L.I.S. is a much beloved son and brother and the grieving has already begun that we have to give him over to his "big life". It is not really about losing his presence in our home. That happens when a daughter marries as well. In my opinion this is really a sad thing. As exciting as it is to see our fledgling young adults poised to take to the sky, we Mama birds tend to look down to the empty spot in the nest. I will do this as well...for a moment. There is more to this losing a son thing though.

Ever since L.I.S. was born, his dad and I have been preparing him to be someone's husband. We understood that a very large percentage of Christian men are called to marry and we chose to prepare our precious son to take on this mantle. We taught him from toddlerhood to be a gentleman, to be gallant and to be courageous. From the time he was 5 or 6 he was subjected to wilderness living and was allowed to go into dangerous situations. He was given information and situations in which to test his learning. He was taught to Love God above all else and to enjoy and respect God's creation, especially other people. He was expected to fail sometimes and then to get up and try again. He was taught that marriage is a one man and one woman proposition. He was taught to keep his mind and body pure and to save himself physically and emotionally for the young woman the Lord would put in his life some day.

How did it work? He has made us proud at every turn. We couldn't have asked for a better son. And is time for him to go and do what he was created to do. One large part of that is to be a godly husband, and if God blesses, a godly father. This is where we lose the son. By nature a son is a student, and understudy and a protege.  When he marries, he is officially his own man. He stands before God now. He has entered life without the training wheels. In addition to that, he becomes one flesh with his beloved. The child we raised will no longer even exist. A mysterious, yet real transformation will occur that will render both husband and wife different people than who they were before. It will be awesome to behold.

Will we still be around for advice or backup? Yes, but the only way we will know that all our investment of love, time, training and prayer is bearing dividends is by being hands off. By being content with the way THEY do things. By accepting the traditions they will start and the legacy they will begin to weave. By observing with awe the new chapter they are writing on the family parchment. Our son couldn't have chosen a more wonderful bride to be. She is a treasure and she will be loved and honored by our family as well as by her husband. We have been honored to witness the courtship, the betrothal and soon the marriage. We will in the process lose our son, but what an exciting lifetime will unfold because of our loss.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Mommy 1

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I give you no sympathy- we will be down the road from you... maybe 2 mins. Plus I'm more fun than he is *) and I'll be aroung bugging you all the time...when I'm not sewing of course.

Lost in a dream